So much has changed...

So it has been such a long time since I have written but with good reason....WE MOVED!! We are now stationed at Eglin AFB, Florida! We wanted to buy a house when we got here but this is not the area in which we want to settle down in so we are living in a cute two bedroom house on base! So between the organizing, packing, moving half way around the world(AGAIN) unpacking, painting, reorganizing it has been a busy 9 months! But we are finally settled and getting to know this place.

So I know alot of you don't know but I have been having some health issues for a little over  a year now. I was first diagnosed with irritable bowel syndrome a year ago due to stomach issues and abdominal pain so after seeing 4 doctors and an ER visit (got to love military medicine)  I thought that this was the answer to what I had been dealing with....come to find out not so much! So after I was diagnosed I started exercising regularly..changed my diet drastically..was put on medication..things got better but I still wasn't at 100% but not wanting to deal with the doctors at Kadena and with the move coming up I sucked it up and kept moving forward. So fast forward to when we get here to Florida...I started feeling really bad again and went into the ER and they diagnosed me with a really bad IBS flare up..gave me meds and sent me home....went back 2 weeks to the day...was admitted for appendicitis. SO after I went home I called and made an appointment with my Primary Care doctor.
So last week I went to my appointment and I was telling him everything that I have dealt with and that I have had pain everyday for the past year and that I don't think its IBS. I told him I want to figure this out because we have planned to have another baby. This is something we have wanted for awhile!
 So after talking with him for an hour and a half he gave me an honest answer....

He doesn't think I have IBS and is running some more tests to figure it all out and then told me something I didn't want to hear...
 He diagnosed me with depression again......all I could do was cry....He said that with everything I have been dealing with this year that I slipped down that hole again...so he advised that I go on an anti-depressant for a year which means NO BABY for right now...too many risks!  I cried all the way home blaming myself for letting it happen again. Why does this awful condition follow me everywhere? Why didn't I see the signs? I want another child so bad and now I have to wait another year? I felt awful as I told my husband what the doctor had said and as he embraced me and told me it was going to be OK I felt hope that I could get through this. For the rest of the day I cried and tried to reason with myself that it wasn't my fault. The doctor said this is hereditary and that I might have to deal with this again at a later time which doesn't exactly excite me! Now I know that this may not be a big deal to some but for someone to tell me that I can't have something because of me makes me feel awful! Depression is a serious condition and without the proper treatment is hard to deal with. Now I am not nearly as bad as I was before.. I can see why the doctor diagnosed me....My body needs to rest and get right so I feel like myself again....I would rather be at 100% than at 50%! So this past week I have come to terms that I just need to accept this and move on....Everything happens for  a reason.. We can try for a baby in a year.

I am looking forward to the new year to get better. I will take what I learned last time and just push forward. God has a plan for me and when he thinks we are ready we will have another child. I am grateful for my family and all of my dear friends and the support they give me! I'll just keep moving forward....